YOU MIGHT BE IN A COUNTRY CHURCH IF . . .
1. The doors are never locked.
2. The Call To Worship is "Y'all come on in!"
3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.
4. The Preacher says "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" - and 5 guys stand up.
5. The restroom is outside.
6. Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.
7. A member requests to be buried in his 4-wheel drive truck because "I ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get me out of".
8. In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "2 calves".
9. Never in its entire 100-year history has one of it's pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
10. When it rains, everybody's smiling.
Do you know your hymns?
Dentist's Hymn......................Crown Him with Many CrownsWeatherman's Hymn...............There Shall Be Showers of BlessingsContractor's Hymn..................The Church's One Foundation
Tailor's Hymn.........................Holy, Holy, HolyGolfer's Hymn........................There's a Green Hill Far AwayPolitician's Hymn....................Standing on the PromisesOptometrist's Hymn................Open My Eyes That I Might SeeAgent's Hymn........................I Surrender AllGossip's Hymn........................Pass It OnElectrician's Hymn..................Send The LightShopper's Hymn.....................Sweet Bye and ByeRealtor's Hymn......................I've Got a Mansion, Just Over the HilltopMassage Therapists Hymn.......He Touched Me Doctor's Hymn.....................The Great Physician
AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns:
45mph....................God Will Take Care of You65mph....................Nearer My God To Thee85mph....................This World Is Not My Home95mph....................Lord, I'm Coming Home100mph...................Precious Memories